There’s no one I know more that can continue to wait to be in their 20s than me. As romantic as social media, movies, and tv shows make it out to be, I’m in no rush to be in them. I have loved being a teenager, and continue TO love being one. I love the liberation, understanding, and flexibility it allows everyone to be; ur job as teenagers is just “to be” and I find beauty in it. With this being said, in the 19 years I’ve been alive, i've learned a lot about myself, socially, physically, emotionally, and mentally, and I want to share the 19 things I will be taking with me into my 20s.
1. know when to be done
Knowing when to be done with a situation has always been difficult for me. Whether its with a task or relationship, I have never been one that has let go of things easily. I take a part of everything I do with me, one way or another. I feel like everything that I had to let go of would’ve benefitted me more if i admitted that i should've been done sooner…when it was no longer in my best interest to stay.
I see this lesson in my first relationship. I never knew when it was time to just go our separate ways until all the damage had been done, but I don’t think he knew either; we were just too young to understand at the time. Out of this relationship, we both could’ve saved ourselves a lot of pain and unnecessary amount of arguing if we just accepted that there was nothing we could do to save our relationship regardless of the immense of love that used to exist between us. There was four years full of confusion, love, arguments, and passion, and we should’ve put our relationship to rest much sooner than we actually did (but there’s no point in thinking of all the “should”s and “would have”s). This lesson is one of the important ones I learned from this relationship, and, unfortunately, it cost me a great friendship i used to have with him. Serve yourself by knowing when to throw in the towel, it's not giving up if its what benefits you the most!
2. EHAP (everything has its place)
One day freshman year of college, my now roommate, Emma, and I went to the FSU campus Library, Strozier, to do some homework. This “homework” session turned into a quick self-help discovery and led to hours of conversation on what we could do to improve our lives. One of the conversations was about the bad habit we both had of not putting things away which accumulates mess over time. As I was sitting there thinking of a solution, the saying “Everything has a place” mocked me. Maybe it’s the army hooah in me that finds it necessary for me to make everything into
an acronym, but that’s when “EHAP” was born. This small saying has saved me numerous amounts of potential mess and has stopped the lazy part of me that throws something somewhere and leaves it there to create a bigger mess in my room, car, or apartment. As much as I’d love to sit here and tell you my room is immaculate and there isn’t a single dirty part of my room, that wouldn’t be true. “EHAP” is a way of life and takes time to
build the habit for it, but I encourage you to let “EHAP” consume you. Thank me and your clean space later.
3. there is something out there better for you that is longer lasting
Endings can be devastating. Whether it’s moving away from home, a relationship ending, saying goodbye to someone you though would be around forever, everything happens for a reason. I have always believed in a window opening when a door closes, and have believed in it because of all the times that it has come true. Many opportunities have been placed at my feet once I walk away from something and I feel like that is life’s way of reminding me that there are more things out there in the world that will be better for me and will be lasting much longer than what had been previously been mine. So, if you ever find yourself sad or confused on what to do next in life, look for that window, and let it give you hope for continuity and happiness.
4. write as much as you can
As you can tell, I love to write. I have too many journals to count that hide all my secrets and stories throughout life in a closet in my moms house. It sits there, waiting for me to crack them open, like an old friend waiting for a hug. I'm thankful for the words in these journals and thankful for my younger self for writing these experiences down. There are many people in these journals that are no longer in my life anymore and I enjoy going down memory lane to visit them. I love reading my journals and feeling every emotion I used to feel back then, and I hope in a couple years, this blog will feel the same. Writing doesn’t have to just be in a journal, but it can be anywhere. Go write a letter, a story, a song, a poem, anything that allows your creativity to express itself. I will never turn down the opportunity to write to someone or about something. I will excuse myself from anything if I feel like writing something and I know future me will thank me for that. i want to remember everything for what it was in the moment, and I know I will always be this way.
5. good things only happen to you if you believe you deserve them
This lesson was hard for me to learn. When I first moved to college, I felt like the world was against me in every way. But after a couple months, i realized this was a projection of what I believed I deserved from life. I felt like a bad person, and before I got to college, I was the worst version of myself. I didn’t do anything that served my future self, I felt like a bad girlfriend, I felt like a terrible friend, and, overall, just didn’t feel good. The way I felt about myself directly reflected what I thought life owed me. This wasn’t the case, and I wish I learned that earlier. After some time, I came to terms with all the parts of my life that I didn’t like and I simply just changed the narrative, and found the good it brought me. After I did this, good things started to happen. I found a great group of friends that I needed, my relationship with my mother became stronger, I was finally growing into myself athletically, I got into a relationship, and I found a lot of balance and harmony in life. All of this was possible because I genuinely believed I deserved all the good things that came my way. YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU, and they will eventually come.
6. forgiveness is the best gift i can get myself
For better or for worse, I forgive easily. I give people the benefit of the doubt because of all the times I wish someone gave me that same grace. People are imperfect and sometimes you get caught in the crossfire of someone growing up and making mistakes…lord knows I’ve made MANY. I see why many people find It hard to forgive others over time. I have forgiven the wrong people multiple times, have forgiven people who may not have deserved it, and have simply just gotten run over by people due to my sympathy. There are many people in this life that don’t forgive the things I have done, and I understand that. do I still wish for that forgiveness? yes. Deep down, forgiveness isn’t for anyone other than me. When I forgive someone, it gives me the peace to move forward from the situation and not hold onto the anger or hatred. Even when someone may not immediately deserve it, I will forgive them for my own sake. I see positive intent in all and people deserve a break every once in a while.
7. “friends come in & out of your life like buss boys in a restaurant”
For years, my favorite movie was “stand by me”, and I highly recommend watching it. the main character, Gordie, wrote the quote above when he talks about the friends he had at 12 years old that are no longer with him. I first watched this movie when I was 13, right after my “The Outsiders” phase I had in 8th grade. I loved coming to age movies, and stand by me perfectly illustrated how I felt about the friends I chose to leave in middle school. This saying has become a lot more prevalent in my life as I become older. There are some friends that I believed would be in my wedding, be the godmother of my future kids, or would have thanksgiving dinner together in 20 years that I no longer know where they are in the world or what they’re up to. people outgrow each other all the time. It’s no surprise and should be, at some level, expected in a friendship; you either grow apart or into each other. I chose not to take this part of life personally. I believe that at this age, people should have the opportunity and right to walk away from people they no longer feel inclined to being around. I also see this “in-and-out” part of friendship happen throughout time. There are friends i've had since 4th grade that i'll occasionally talk to and catch up with, people from middle school i'll grab a meal with to discuss new dreams and aspirations, and people from high school I like to reminisce with; these friendships are nice to have around, they’re my way of freezing time and feeling how I did when I was the age I met them. This is the time for change and you should embrace it.
For all the friends I have lost throughout the years, I hope you’re doing well and I want to thank you for the space you once occupied in my life, it never went unnoticed or unappreciated:)
8. don’t rush romance
I have been in my fair share of relationships, situationships, and everything in between. I have learned a lot about what I want out of love and my way of showing my love towards someone else romantically. This didn’t come easy at all. As mentioned before, I was in a very long term relationship that shaped the way that I viewed love for the year that followed the break up. In that time I had dated two guys while in college and they were both incredibly rushed. I wasn’t their friend before getting into a relationship with them, and, even though this is not necessary for all relationships, it’s now something I look for when considering a romantic relationship. I'm not embarrassed to admit that the relationships I got into after my high school relationship were used to fill the void of loneliness. Being an adult can get super lonely, and, at the time, I didn’t understand how to cope with it. These rushed relationships never lasted long and both parties would’ve benefitted from continuing in building a friendship. I realize now the importance of patience and timing. There is a time and place to be in love and I hope that life will let that happen at its own pace, without my meddling. You haven’t met all the people that you will love and that will love you in this lifetime, seek them out and wait for them.
9. fomo only exists if you let it
Fomo is an evil friend of mine. I used to let fomo control every aspect of my plans and schedule which led to my failure in many aspects of life. My favorite story of fomo was this past spring break. For months my friends and I were planning to take a trip to ft. Lauderdale for spring break. At the time, I was seeing a guy who went to a military academy and I desperately wanted to see him. He was traveling to Elon, North Carolina for baseball and I decided that instead of going on the spring break trip with my friends, I was gonna go to North Carolina. Looking back, I know that I 100% would’ve rathered gone to North Carolina and I had to make my bed with that decision, but the day all my
friends drove down to ft. Lauderdale ate me alive. My friends faceted me and showed me all the cool things they were doing, they were telling me it wasn’t too late for me to get in a car and ditch North Carolina, and that I couldn’t miss out on an opportunity to spend my first college spring break with my best of friends. If i'm being honest, I almost fell for what they had been telling me. I was very close to not getting on the plane to North Carolina because of the fomo I was getting from watching their snapchats to me and their instagram pictures. I had to remind myself that the decision I made to go to North Carolina was previously weighed out with the pros and cons and I had to excite myself again for the decision I had made. i don’t regret going to north Carolina instead of ft. Lauderdale and one of the last things the guy I went to see said before parting ways was, “I hope seeing me was worth missing out on ft. laudy.” That's when I immediately felt terrible about the way I let fomo control the time I had with him.
Everyday we woke up, I would tell him about the things my friends had done the night before and answered every call my friends made instead of enjoying the present, and, i bet to some extent, made the guy I went to see feel like I didn’t want to even be there, which wasn’t the case at all. After this trip, I learned how to enjoy the present no matter what i could’ve been doing; it’s a simple lesson of cost opportunity that i had to get over (thank you mr. ayers from newsome high school for teaching me this very important economic and life lesson). I give the fomo talk to every incoming college friend I have because it's not worth wishing you were somewhere else when you could be enjoying
the time you’re having wherever you are.
10. visit your grandparents
I have the honor and privilege to be the youngest granddaughter of Elizabeth and Efrain Rivera. I will forever be grateful for the role they played in raising me to be the person I am now and will hold them to a stature of love and respect for the rest of my life. After moving away from Puerto Rico, I didn’t call them often. I feel guilty for all the years that went by that I only hand a handful of conversations with them, especially now that they’re getting older. This year, I’ve made it a habit to call them at least twice a week. No one loves you the way your grandparents do, you are a product of their love. Give them a call and visit them when you get the chance. they won’t be around forever, but make enough memories with them to last even when they have move on.
11. you are not for everybody, & that’s okay!
As someone who has spent the majority of their life trying to get everyone to like them and always wanting to please everyone, that will just not be enough. People are going to not like you and you are not for everyone, but that doesn’t make any less worthy of love or friendship from others. There are 7 billion people in this world and you will find that group of people that will never make you feel like an inconvenience and will support all your hopes and dreams the way you support theirs. You might have not found these people yet, you might find them tomorrow, next year, or in the next decade, but once you do find them, it’ll be worth all the nights you spent alone with no plans. I am very thankful to have met my people at the age of 17 (shoutout to my boys from Tampa), but I know there is a lot of room in my life for more people to love and get to
know. I know I have rubbed people the wrong way, came off too strong, or said something that didn’t float their boat, and that’s okay. I think of it like pickles. I hate pickles, but there are giant pickle fans out there for pickles to get all the admiration from. Pickles don’t stay up at night thinking about why I hate them, they just exist with it…and you should too. It’ll bring you a lot of peace in the long run.
12. things & people are only as important as you make them out to be
Life is all about mentality and the power you allow things to have. I gave a lot of power to my high school self when I moved to college. I used to believe that I peaked in high school when that was nowhere near the truth. For months, I believed that I will never have the friends, praise, awards, opportunities, love, or positions I had when I was in high school. This is really silly and you should never think this way. I sulked for a long time about this, and I am very thankful for the friends I had in college for actively giving me the affirmation I needed to tell myself that this was not true. This mentality distracted me from all the good things that was happening right in front of my eyes. I had made my ranger challenge team, I had a great group of friends that I did everything with, and I had stability (which is one thing I definitely didn’t have in high school). I also let the way my ex viewed me control the way I viewed myself. one of the last conversations we had before going separate ways, he told me that there was “nothing feels better than disassociating myself from you.” These words really dug at me for a long time. I let that one sentence eat me from the inside-out, and I believed that I had become a worser person. I was young and immature and I don’t blame him for ever saying that to me. There’s a saying that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react, and I’m a believer in that. Don’t let insignificant things have enough power to put you in a chokehold. Process what has been done and said, then let it go (easier said than done).
13. “what if it doesn’t work out?” “what if it does?!”
I am ALL about shooting your shot in everything, and that you should try everything once. I have put myself out there to different opportunities, and i'm grateful I had the courage to do so. at 14, I was always timid into seeking out what I wanted from life and my 19 year old self now laughs at it. I was insecure and not confident in my own abilities, but there was a moment that I realized I needed to seek discomfort. I have had friends throughout the years be scared of doing different things, whether that may be telling a boy they like them, trying out for a team, or applying for a school or job, they feared the failure that MIGHT come from it. The key word in that is “might”. Rejection is scary and i'm not here to tell you it's not, but the possibility of something working out should be much greater than the fear of rejection. Rejection is just redirection, as corny as it sounds. Ask everyone you like out on a date, apply to every job your heart wants, and apply to that school that you think you can’t get into because you might surprise yourself in the end, I know I have been shocked MULTIPLE times!
14. what is meant for you will not pass you by
Nothing that doesn’t work out for you was meant to be in your life. I had to come to terms with the idea that some of the things that used to be in my life probably would’ve done me more harm than good. There’s no need to believe that something that has exited your life was meant to stay in it because what is meant for you will truly not pass you by. You are meant to have everything you are suppose to have and it's important to be thankful for it. Cherish what you have and if in some distant future, it leaves you, thank it for the time it spent in your life and wish it well. It wasn’t going to serve you anymore and that's why it had to leave, no matter what is was. I hope you find everything in this life that is meant to be yours, and I hope you greet it with open arms when it comes.
15. it’s okay to act your age
I have developed a pattern of making friends with people who are a couple years older than me, I even made a blog post about it lol. This pattern has made me act older than I was and, even now, I feel the need to act their age instead of my own. I wish at 15 I didn’t try so hard to act 18. I put so much unnecessary expectations on myself to have everything in my life figured out as if I was about to move away from home and start a new life like the senior friends I had. being a mature individual does serve you well and makes you attract more people to your life, but you should never feel bad about acting your age. I love being a teenager and I will act like one until may 8th, 23:59, because this is the stage in life where it's socially acceptable to make ALL the mistakes you can with little to no consequences, and the time to try everything without repercussions. I used to date one guy that prided himself on being more mature than those his age, and I admired that about him, but there was a moment when I saw myself trying to act like someone I wasn’t.
I want to enjoy my youth, I want to romanticize being young, having all this doors and opportunities open for my choosing, and you should too. You spend half your life being old with responsibilities that I CAN wait to experience. I want to be able to share stories to my kids about my teenage years and my early 20s, and I hope that they can hear in my voice how much I learned, grew, and loved this time in life. If you’re 16, enjoy being 16. Enjoy getting your license, enjoy having pesky rules that your parents set for you. If you’re 18, enjoy the excitement of becoming an adult, enjoy being able to make your own decisions for the first time, and enjoy figuring out what the next steps are. And if you’re 25, enjoy adulthood, enjoy the maturity you have found, and enjoy laughing at all the mistakes you made as a teenager. Age is just a number, but you shouldn’t try and skip them, live in them gracefully and whole heartedly. Your future self will thank you for it and will extremely miss them.
16. it’s a privilege to see yourself get older
I LOVE seeing my flashbacks on snapchat. I love laughing about all the problems I thought were detrimental, I love seeing old pictures of friends, and I love seeing how I’ve grown into myself as a person. This feature can be hard on a lot of people, and can keep people trapped in the past. With this being said, it’s a privilege to be able to see myself in that light at my age. I have had family and friends pass away and that is a reminder that not everyone gets to laugh and cringe at their younger selves anymore. I love social media and the ability it has to stop time and capture all the things you once found
important. This idea I have about getting older explains my love for birthdays. there is no one who loves and will want to celebrate your birthday more than me because you made it another rotation around the sun! There's a lot that can happen in a year, and you should celebrate the 365 days that brought you another year of wisdom, love, and sadness. I know I will love being able to see my life through the eyes of my 19 year old self when i'm 30, and I know i'll look in the mirror with an immense about of gratitude and thanks that I made it to that age. Celebrate your birthday. Make it the biggest deal ever. You did it and it shouldn’t go unnoticed!
17. if someone tells you they’re not ready for a relationship, believe them
This lesson is two fold: I have been told by a guy they’re not ready for a relationship and got my feelings hurt and have a hurt a guys feelings after telling them I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I have been on both ends of this specific encounter and it's not pretty. i wish that I had respected what was said to me, I believed he would change, but he never did. Please trust people when they told you they aren’t ready. It will save you a lot of heart break and there are more fish in the sea. People heal on their own terms, I know I did. When I was healing, I didn’t want to worry about someone else happiness or hurt someone else because of my own battles. This is a simple and straight forward lesson to carry with you. Love is tricky, let it consume you and let it go when it’s time. I will find whoever i'm meant to find in time. I will also be with someone for a large majority of my life, so i am taking the time to just exist within myself. i want you to enjoy that time too.
18. you & your body are intertwined for the rest of your life, so treat it kindly
You only get one body, treat it as such. Feed it the energy it needs, move it as it wants, and embrace it to all its capabilities. There was a large amount of time when I hated how tall I was just to be just as tall as most people as an adult. There was a time where I limited what I ate based off of others comments, and now I eat to fuel myself. This understanding and appreciation for my body didn’t happen over night but I lift heavy things now and thats the only validation I need these days. If there's one person in this life you need to make peace with, it's yourself.
19. souls don’t meet by accident. find the lesson you need to learn, and it won’t feel like a waste of time
One last story for this blog. I was dating a guy and when things ended I was confused and decently upset. Maybe that's a little bit of an understatement, i definitely cried about it at a dog park lol. i went through the five stages of grief in an hour, but what stayed with me the most that night was how mad I was. I was mad about all the time, money, and energy I spent trying to make the relationship work. I was mad that I
hadn’t listened to my friends when they pointed out his red flags that I couldn’t distinguish with the rose colored glasses i had on. I was mad that I never saw it coming. I sat on the bench just thinking about all the time we had spent trying to build a future for ourselves, thinking about all the future planning we had done with the intentions of making everything work out for the both of us. I thought that I had wasted months of my life being with him, wasted love that could’ve gone to my other passions that desperately needed it. After some tears and some time, I had come to terms with what had happened. We had broken up and we weren’t going to be getting back together. After a couple days I reflected on all the good that relationship brought me. I started taking my fitness a lot more serious because of him and how much he encouraged me to be the best version of myself.
I became more comfortable saying no to plans I didn’t want to go to because I knew I could stay at home and hangout with him. I became more positive about my outlook at life because he taught me how to slow down and appreciate things deeper and with more positive intention. I found my way back to myself because of him, and, for that, I will be thankful for the time we shared. I believe he was the person I needed at the time. My heart wasn’t in the right place and I needed someone to soften up that side of me that had been lost in heart break from the past.
As cringey as it sounds, he introduced me to love again and the warmth and security it provides my life. Things never happen on accident, there is a bigger picture that you may not see in closer view. Find the lesson in every opportunity that finds its way out the door and before it walks away, embrace it one last time. It served you well, and it should be appreciated.
A large part of me grew up a lot this last year…I have also made my fair share of mistakes that has let me to this growth. By reading this all the way through, I hope you take what you need and it allows you to learn more about me as a person. With this blog, I want to encourage you to be the best version of yourself and engulf yourself in the world around you. There is so much life to live at every age you find yourself at, and I’m here to cheer you on and learn from you in return. Leaving my teenage years will hurt more than any break up or leaving any city, but I can tell hands down tell you that I have loved every year from 13-19, and I’m glad I get to share it with you. Don’t be in a hurry to live your life, there is too much to feel, experience, and acknowledge to rush any of it
with all my love,
♡steff
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