I am no stranger to the elements of right time and place. There have been so many monumental moments that were perfectly and systematically put into motion by God, or whatever higher power you choose to put faith in, that have altered my reality. i find comfort in the belief that everything happens for a reason; the peace and trust that goes into believing that what is truly meant for you won’t pass you by. I recently started a separate blog entry speaking on the beauty of loneliness. I went on about how my recent days have been spent in self induced isolation, not out of emotion or necessity, but, instead, to find the space in my life to enjoy the sweetness of my own presence. I expanded on how my dog, Kenni, is my companion day in and out, sprinkled with a couple meals with the some of my peers, and, most importantly, how satisfied I am with the people in my life; alluding that there was no space or even an invitation to add to my table.
I should have known better than to ever assume that the stability of what I know life to be would continue. to have a look inside my life that last couple of months, I have been closing down my days with the same two people, Shania and Ascher. I met Shania last spring semester, just by being in the same company and the occasional interaction during PT, class, or lab; it never extended to anything more than those quick moments of acquaintanceship in cadetland. Ascher joined the program in the fall, I only spoke to him a handful of times and more than half of those interactions were some harmless banter and insults back and forth because he has the most notorious RBF that made me think he hated everyone he came into contact with; i never knew where he stood with anyone or if he even enjoyed the small conversations we would have. They were just some side characters in my life and I, just the same, was a side character in theirs.
Just like the new year, and the months that have passed, they have tagged along the for the better and for the worst of life lately. They have become my favorite people to be with, making them the last friend group I will be apart of in Tallahassee. I have been telling each of them that I am full of joy and emotion that they are the friend group I will be leaving Tallahassee in, and I don’t think that begins to describe the way these two have not only made my life significantly more enjoyable, but the way they have set the standard for the friends I once had and those that will follow. I have had great friends in the past, people who were placed in my life for the moment to fulfill the purpose they were meant to play in my life, but I have never been in a friend group like this, reaching the level of maturity that friendships made in adulthood are built off of. We have intellectual conversations about our lives at the dinner table, exploring all the parts of ourselves that we’re learning about, the realizations about the world around us, and deep dive into the people we hope to be one day. During car drives, we laugh about the insignificance of the life we’re living now, making jokes about our daily struggles that will not matter in ten years when all the goals we set now have been accomplished and new ones are being made. & i sit and think to myself, in between the belly laughs and the moments of silence where we're just sitting in each other's company, how short our time has been. i always go home wishing i had met them sooner or that we had stubbled into each other's lives at a time where our friendship could have blossomed in a more permanent place, but i am reminded of the beauty of the pace of life now and how they slow down the passage of time for me; waiting for me to bathe in the glory of comfortability and fullness that i had not had for a while.
Friendships were always a casual affair to me, assuming that people were just apart of the simulation of life and come and go through the revolving door. But now, with them, I can’t imagine to bear a day without them; they are embedded in my daily routine.
It’s difficult for me to fully describe how pure and genuine the friendship I have with these two is; I hope to one day to string together my words of gratitude for them that will linger into the years of my future absence from them, as they stay here and i move to follow a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that they have supported and encouraged since the day i first told them about it. Our final days are upon us, and we will move on with our lives the way we once had before knowing of each others existence, but this time I know there are two people in the collegetown that we were created in, that will have my best interest at heart, the way I do for them.
to ascher & shania, you have been the exact nourishment i needed to regain clarity in the life we simultaneously living. you make want to be the best version of myself. thank you for making tallahassee a place that i will hate to leave & a place that i will miss.
with all my love,
♡steff
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