the next solar eclipse in north america will be in 2044. if we time travel twenty years from now, i will be 41 &, hopefully by then, i will still be able to recollect all the memories from 2024. i feel like a kid on christmas whenever i think about the person i could potentially be in a few decades. i get giddy when i think about what my future husband is like, if i have met him yet, what the labor of love & dedication did for my career, how the army treated me, what my kids sound like, & if i can see parts of myself & my husband in them. i get emotional thinking about the possibility & probability of 2044 being a time where my grandparents no longer stand alongside me & my mom grows old enough to see a life without her parents--a life where i become a parent. my heart sometimes can’t take all the probabilities that life has to offer as i start to climb the ladder of time, but today, i stood on a soccer field in west point, new york, & saw the moon hide the sun with my friends.
there is something charming about moments like these. seeing us all stand together, wearing goofy glasses that protect our retinas, & look up at the sky in unison. it’s funny to think back at those conversations we had while we determined whether the world was going to end or why we had to stand outside to see the eclipse. i take for granted those moments of “in-between”—the in between of my life before and after college. my favorite game to play is “if you told me five years ago i’d be _____, i’d punch you in the face” & it gives me the comfort to know that i’m moving in the right direction; my life was never meant to be in my hands but, instead, in His & i am reminded of that constantly.
in 2044, i will look at the same sky, with similar goofy glasses on, in a different part of the world. hopefully, in the mix of those around me, i see the people who came along the way in the years to come & those from years past. i hope that i get to blabber on about how i had to miss my mid-afternoon nap in 2024 to go outside and stare at the sun at the united states military academy preparatory school, & i hope to have the wisdom to change that “i had to” to “i got to”. in 2044, i will hopefully laugh with the one who was made for me & giggle to myself because i believed in 2024 that it would never happen because i was too stubborn to let down the wall that separated my career's hopes & dreams and romance. i will use the same wisdom i’ve always relied on to know that the solar eclipse and true love come together and live under the umbrella of comfort that says, “don’t lose hope, it happens more than once in a lifetime!”
if by the grace of the mighty God i serve, i get to live long enough to see another solar eclipse, i will hug all the past versions of me that still live inside of me. as i look into the sun, i will take a moment to look inward & thank the good, the bad, & the ugly that got me to the place in my life that i can admire the miracle of life on planet earth once again. this world breeds eternal hope & magic because the probability of the moon being 400 times smaller than the sun, & it also being 400 times closer to earth than the sun, is slim to none. but we live in a world where the Lord wanted us to live for him & for each other-- & now we stand on soccer fields with our friends & take in breath taking moments on a random monday afternoon.
so, i can’t wait for 2044; i can't wait to meet who i am in twenty years. there is so much excitement bursting from my seems that every day just seems like some strange count down until the next solar eclipse. maybe by then, pigs will fly & the sky will turn purple, but until then, i hope you find yourself & all the parts of you that make you live for more cosmic miraculous phenomenons.
with all my love,
♡steff
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