eventually, you come to the realization that mutual silence is better than finding out one day that you two are different than the people you used to be in the past. whether this time comes sooner instead of later, you will realize the the words that used to come from your favorite person will no longer sound the same as it once did. i think it’s funny how we all have experienced that realization that you no longer talk to someone who you full heartedly believed would be in your life forever. whether it was romantic or platonic, there are people in life that you may not see again in this lifetime, or, even worse, in the same light you once used to.
growing up, my mom always reminded me of how small this world really is. we would run into people my mom once knew in her life in random locations all the time, which was enough for me to believe what she had been telling me. it became more of a reality when it kept happening to me, seeing people i knew from my past in my present. i moved into an apartment last year a floor below a friend i knew from fourth grade when i lived in germany. i ran into a friend from elementary school in daytona beach randomly in the spring of my senior year. & over this past summer, i decided to switch up which gym i worked out in, so i went to crunch and ran into a buddy from high school who had been stationed in italy for the past three years.
all these little glimpses of remembrance and solidarity give me the hope that i will run into you again in this life. in the recent months, i had ran into a situation that was close enough to grab but completely out of reach; both delusional that there was a sustainable future to build between the two of us. when all was said & done, a mutual moment of hope was shared; hope that maybe one day our lives will align. within that moment there was the underlying grief that no matter how right things felt between us or how we felt about each other, as an adult, there is more to consider than a feeling of adoration when committing to a relationship.
we cannot be in two places at once, & ,in the end, pretending we could be, would only hurt the bit of luminosity we had left for our relationship, and make the 5,000 miles that would be between us, become the 5,000 reasons why we shouldn't be together.
to you,
i hope you find the person that makes that one verse in that silly little song that we love, make sense. congratulations on starting your career.
i'm glad i knew you too.
i always keep the saying “what is meant for me will not pass me by” in the back of my mind, even in times like this, when i so desperately wanted them to. there have been so many opportunities & relationships in my life that passed me by, but nothing is more lovely than the moment when it flutters back into your life, knowing you are finally in the right place and time for it; that you are ready for it.
i think it’s important to talk about the significance of letting go in the hope of self-improvement & peace. the beginning of the year, to some, is the beginning of the end; a season to prepare themselves for the change that will slap them in their face, hard.
this is for the second semester high school seniors who are finally on that home stretch, that brings along the preparation of saying goodbye to the people they grew up with. for the college student that is about to graduate in 3 months, moving to another city & starting the career they have worked so hard for. & for everyone in between that left something behind in the last year & are working on making room for all the things that are meant to be this year.
make sure to take care of yourself now. the silence won’t bother you the way it once did, it’s a peace I hope you find for yourself one day. there is a richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place and in more than one stage of your life. Their existence will one day stop circulating in your thoughts, you will stop convincing your favorite people in this world that you are “over it”, because one day…it’ll be true, & maybe they will find you too.
with all my love,
♡steff
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