my one wish for all of my friends is their own unapologetic happiness before i leave. since the goodbyes will be said in less than two weeks, i have been over analyzing & plotting to do whatever it takes for them to set themselves up for success in my own selfish goals for them. there were many plans that were made that won’t be done: future living arrangements, commissioning together, seeing each other graduate, more field trainings, more nights out in the streets of tallahassee…too many “many more”s that just won’t happen anymore because of my own life plans.
i love that all of my friendships have mutual benefits, shared admiration, & selfless intention. i will always give my gratitude to those who held my pain as if it were theirs, just for them to return the favor, knowing i’d do the same. they were my breath of fresh air; they didn’t remind me of anyone else i’d met in my past, & they still don’t. i have learned to enjoy my own company through their enjoyment of mine. i am kinder to myself because of the softness of their words to me & their conscious choice to choose me just as much as i choose them to live their life parallel to mine.
i used to be so good at picking up my entire life and moving away, to the point where commitment to one geographic location suffocated me into believing that i will never call one place home. that is price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place, home will no longer exist in one place to linger around a confined boundary. i love that i have met my favorite people, but i am not ignorant enough to think that there aren’t more people on this earth to add to the list and that my name won't be added to the list of those i have not met yet; the world doesn't stop spinning just because i am leaving.
there are certain people in my life now that i can’t believe to have ran into. they have furthered my belief in time putting everything into play when it is meant to and they continue to give me hope that similar situations will happen in the future. the truth is, everyone is going to move on. we’re all going to one day think about this time of our lives & the people in it as a good memory for safe keeping. when i leave tallahassee, my friends will carry on, business as usual, just to one day see something that reminds them of my presence as if i had never left. on the other side of that coin, when i get to new york, i will find a new balance with strangers that will evolve into lasting friendships; i will make memories that will feel like the ones i made back in the capital of florida, and i too will stumble upon a moment that will remind me of the friends i left here that will make me feel like i had never left florida. my friends, you deserve to live a life as beautiful as you've made mine. it’s my dearest wish that in the time and space put in between now & our next meeting that you meet more people that give you the life and laughter you were intended for. there aren't enough "thank you"s in this world, but i hope we can start with this one.
with all my love,
♡steff
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