I recently went to world of beer for byob (build your own burger) with Ethan a couple days ago (side note: i encourage you to go treat yourself to a $6.95 burger every Monday at wob). At this dinner, Ethan and I had a conversation about the power of missing someone. The conversation stemmed from me explaining how I used to hangout with my ex boyfriend from high school almost everyday and how we would FaceTime every single night. Looking back now, this habit that my ex and I formed is something I can’t even fathom doing now because of how important I find time apart because of how much it makes me value the time spent together. It made me reminisce on how a part of me appreciated the long distance relationships I’ve been in more than the relationships I’ve had in person, because of how much more I missed my long distance boyfriends. I view my ex boyfriend from high school as my first love, but when I briefly think of how I used to be in it, I never really missed him when he was away because we spent so much time together that the time apart felt necessary. Another part of it was that when I compare how much I missed all my exes during the times I spent with them, I missed my long distance relationships more than those I had in person, which is for obvious reasons. This conversation with Ethan ventured many different avenues of relationships, but the one I can’t shake is the feeling of missing someone.
One feeling that will triumph my other feelings while in a relationship is the excitement I get when I receive a text or call from someone I don’t see often or haven’t talked in a while. I saw how much I craved this feeling when I was last seeing someone, who happened to live in another state. In this minor flirtation, I once asked him how he felt about long distance when we first started talking, and his response still sticks in the back of my mind as I move forward in my relationships now. He said that long distance is hard but “it’s easy as long as you love your life individually”, and I have valued that trait in myself and in others ever since he said that.
During this brief period in my life, I heavily leaned into every friendship I had in person in order to satisfy the part of me that missed him during the day. Our schedules were very different, as I went to FSU and had all the freedom in the world and he had a lack of, as he went to an academy, and the only time we found time to talk was late at night when all our tasks of our day was done. everyday, I looked forward to FaceTiming him and drowning him in all the things I had done with my day as he sat at his desk and continued to do homework. I was in constant state of anticipation for when he would text me or send me a picture throughout his day, because, if I’m being honest, he was SIGNIFICANTLY more busy than I ever was during my day, I had all the time in the world to miss him. The distance and time apart encouraged me to make stronger relationships with those around me and feel things more genuinely and deeper when I was with my friends until he had time to talk. All the feelings I had that remotely related to me missing him were projected into my friends, and, in many ways, made me romanticize the life I was living in Tallahassee that much more.
I see this pattern again this summer when I would write Ethan letters while he was at basic. I reminded this kid how much I missed him in every letter, and I saw myself project more into my friends in Tampa because of how much I missed having him around. I found myself living more in the moment with my friends because when I would think of Ethan, I would think about how grateful I was to actually have the freedom and time to do all of these amazing things with my friends while he was stuck in the middle of nowhere Missouri doing the eight count push up and the bent leg body twist at the crack of dawn.
In missing Ethan, I made greater memories with my friends because I always looked forward to writing to Ethan about what I had done with my day, and I always wanted to entertain him with my day-to-day life. All the months he was gone flew by, at least it felt that way on my end (he definitely doesn’t think time went by as fast as i'm saying it did lol), it still felt like his letters could not come soon enough. The anticipation I had waiting for his letters made me excited to check my mailbox, and let me tell you, no one should be that excited to check a mail box! I also felt extremely grateful for every letter he wrote me and every phone call he would make to me on the Sundays he had his phone because I always appreciated him taking the time out of his busy schedule to talk or write to me. I wanted every letter I wrote him to remind him that there was someone back home who missed him and was thinking of him; I never wanted him to ever feel lonely or that no one missed him or the bad jokes he makes.
There are so many people I miss in my life right now, and it often feels like a part of me is in other locations. I miss my little friend group from Tampa, and I know a part of my heart is in Orlando, with nick, josh, and brendann, another part is in tampa, with Kathryn, and another in Indiana, with Jordan. I miss my besties in arms, as they’re being the best leaders America has to offer, as Brie attends the Citadel in south carolina, Olivia is in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, and grace is in ft. Rucker, Alabama. This life is filled with so many people worth missing and as painful the process OF missing them can feel empty and lonely, I hope you fill it with relationships and hobbies around you that can make you just as happy, just in a different way. I will spend a lot of my time missing those who have come in and out of my life, and a part of me has had to come to terms with that facts as I prepare for my future in the US Army. I am extremely humbled with the lessons I have learned in these relationships and the importance of individually being happy with the life I live.
If you are in a long distance relationship or friendship, I hope you feel seen and understood. I understand the jealousy you must feel of those around your partner who get to see them everyday, but I hope you remind your counter part how the time and distance spent apart will one day be immensely worth it and that there will be a sliver of time in this life where you will be together again, despite how some days it might not feel that way. In the mean time, embrace that sense of missing them and let it propel you to romanticize the life YOU are living without them in the hopes of being able to tell them all the amazing memories and experiences you are having. It’s like the relationship between the moon and sun, giving each other a reason to rise each day without ever really being together:)
with all my love,
♡steff
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