I fell into the trap that some college students know all too well: getting a dog. despite better judgement and dozens of people bestowing their advice on getting a dog in college isn’t a good idea, I got one anyways. I woke up one morning during winter break of my freshman year of college, drove to the nearest pet shelter, picked out a dog, THEN called my mom to ask if it was okay to get a dog (yes, I was 18 still asking for my moms permission to do things).
I disregarded the idea that dogs are not a good idea in college, but I do see the justifications behind it. College students are starting their lives, first taste of freedom after high school. Millions of songs have sung about how your late teens and early twenties are the time to be young, wild, and free;) no one could’ve stopped me that December morning, though. I was going to get a dog, and I did.
I walked into the dog section of the shelter, walked past a handful of dogs, each looking cuter than the one before it. But, Jeff… Jeff stopped me in my tracks. He looked like he wanted to leave. He looked like he desperately wanted me to take him home with me, or at least that’s what I convinced myself. I greeted Jeff, looked at the desperation in his eyes, heard it in his cries too. I kept walking, wanted to make sure I got a full look at all the dogs before making my life changing decision. But as fate would have it, I came back to Jeff.
Jeff became my buddy. When I returned back to Tallahassee, my life did a 180. I have never been one to cancel plans or to say no to invitations, but the moment Jeff came into my life, there was no one I’d rather spend time with. Jeff filled the emptiness of my cream colored bedroom. He sat on my bed while I did homework, went on walks on beautiful days and stormy days, slept in my bed and reminded me I wasn’t alone. Taking care of Jeff made me take better care of myself.
College can be lonely. Moving away can be scary, and having to face all of life’s challenges is terrifying. All of that went away when I got myself a little American Foxhound roommate in Jeff. I was determined to give Jeff a life better than what he had beforehand.
When I adopted Jeff, the shelter worker informed me that he was abused in his last house, as most sheltered dogs are, unfortunately. He had burn marks on his body, his ears were slightly deformed from his past owner burning his ears, and he was scared of EVERYONE. Jeff tip toed timidly for the first couple months of our relationship. Afraid of anyone who walked through the door who wasn’t me. Even more terrified when I’d leave him alone for too long.
This changed over time. My once starved looking dog, grew to be gigantic enough for my mom to start calling him “gordito”, “fatty” in Spanish. He expressed himself more, VERY loudly at ALL times of the day. But he learned to love and trust. I would daily text my mom pictures of Jeff, followed by an “I love Jeff” message, and she would return back by saying “Jeff loves you too”.
Being a dog owner is not easy at any age. There’s a lot of patience, money, time, and love that goes into being a dog owner that I had to realize that I couldn’t provide anymore. It’s hard to come to terms with that. Hard to believe that your forever furry friend might not be so “forever”.
I sat on my mom’s living couch for a while. Staring at the dog I have deeply fallen in love with and realized that he deserved better. He deserves to live in a house, not an apartment. He deserved to have people around him constantly, that never make him feel like he’s alone ever again. He deserves someone who has the financials to get him every toy from the pet store, then order some more.
All I could offer Jeff was my love, but sometimes that’s not nearly enough to give your dog everything they deserve in this world. If you asked anyone in my life, they could tell you how much I love Jeff, but what owner doesn’t love their pet unconditionally (obviously, Jeff’s last owner, but that’s besides the point smh). Jeff was the first being to be mine. He was all mine. I was responsible for his care and life, and a part of that will always stay with me.
There’s the selfish bone in my body, however. The disgusting part of me that felt like Jeff would hold me back instead of accelerate me further towards my dreams and my goals. The goals I have aren’t small, they’re quite life changing, if I do say so myself. I want to achieve my goals so bad that I realized that I had to give up my best friend in the world. With this being said, thoughts of “will this sacrifice be worth it in the end? When everything is all said and done?” The answer is yes. And that’s what pains me the most. This 70 pound dog will break my heart. It will break my heart to let him go. It will break my heart to come home to no greeting and to an empty bed. It will simply break my heart to know that he is no longer mine anymore.
It’ll come in waves, just like most emotions do. I will be humbled by the decision I had to make to put both of Jeff and I’s best interest first. I will be devastated beyond belief on the days where I just need to spend the day with my dog, someone who was there for me 110% of the time, wagging his tail.
Everyone eventually will go through a pain like this. The pain of losing a beloved pet will be hard at pet #23 as it was for pet #1. Im thankful for the sliver of time that my life and Jeff’s was able to align. The time we were able to heal from all the past torments that seemed to follow us into the present until we met each other. There is that part of me that will never forgive myself for giving Jeff away. It’s the same part of me the said that Jeff would be there for all my major milestones: Starting my career, Getting married, Having Children… he was meant to be apart of all of those special moments. But now, I’ll sit on all the moments we DO have together. Ill be able to remember the HOURS of driving with Jeff in my passenger seat, I will remember the miles we used to walk and run, and I will remember how loved I felt by this creature that doesn’t even know my name.
Theres a light at the end of the tunnel. The light is Jeff finding his forever family, and mine is accomplishing all the things I told him I would. And all of it will be because of this moment. The moment I knew it was time to go our separate ways. I will be able to achieve my goals because of a 70 pound, light-browned hair dog, with the biggest brown eyes, and his ability to make this one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve had to make.
To Jeff:
You have been the best part of my life, and if there was another way, I hope you know, I would have done it. I love you more than words can ever describe and the love I have for you is enough to last through all the milestones we will be missing. You will always be mine, Jeff. I love you so much, and I always will.
with all my love,
♡steff
Comments