if i had to talk about friendship, i’d tell them about us. i’d talk about how we always say we’re each others family. we talk about how we’re the siblings we never had & how we are nothing less than family…but i wish we really were family. i wish we grew up together & you got have the same opportunities that i was given. i wish we could’ve grown up running around the house, competing with each other, & showing each other the unconditional love that siblings have, regardless of all the mistakes & wrong decision making that comes with growing up. i wish you could’ve seen all sites i have seen, lived in a room a few steps away from my room rather than in another city, & wish i had teachers ask me if you were my older brother.
raised as an only child, i always wondered what it would’ve been like to have shared that much space with someone. what it would’ve been like to have an extra plate set at the dinner table, what it would’ve a been like to share the family picture wall with someone else, & what it would’ve been like to have less room in the back seat of the car while mom drove. i think of all this amount of sharing i would’ve had to do if we really were siblings, &, surprisingly enough, i wouldn’t have mind sharing with you. maybe in some parallel universe we were siblings;e our mom would take pictures of us on the first day of school every year, we would fight over the tv remote, we would get each other in & out of trouble, & we would remind each other that we were never alone as we grew up. our friendship turned into family when my home became yours, when sharing became assumed, & when the madso challenges became something we tackled together.
whenever i stop to think too deeply about how crazy life is, how i could've not been asked to try out for ranger challenge, how you could've gone to uf, how i could've gotten home after pt and not joined in on breakfast at seminole cafe, i pay tribute to all the "almost maybe"s of life. I find it funny how you sat on the other side of mr. belcher's class & we would talk in passing or at breakfast & now when i'm around you, i can't seem to know how to stop talking. i find it lovely that my mother sees a son within you; she went from "who's ethan?" to "when will ethan come to the house again", "how is ethan doing?", & "you can invite ethan"; you became a son to her and the person she trusts me to be with the most. somewhere in the last two years, we went from stopping by each others apartments to visiting each other at our hometown houses & introducing each other to childhood friends-this is how great friendships are meant to be like.
now, we’re adults; we’ve only known each other as adults & all the knowledge of each others childhoods are passed down through storytelling & reminiscing memories. i remind myself of how fortunate i became to have met you…to have made the conscious decision to make you my family & for you to make me yours. blood is not always thicker than water & you are my chosen proof of that. i believe of the continuity of our friendship every time you slowly start saying one of the many foolish sayings of mine (slay being the most popular one) & adding it to your vocabulary. i also think of it every time i enjoy the food i'm eating, joyfully & unrestricted, because i know that you would never allow me to not enjoy the food i'm consuming. & i think of it when i listen to our combined playlist, because wherever we are in the world, that playlist will be the reminders of the purposes we created it for. before we met, i saw myself as a bad person; you don't know how much it meant to me when you looked at me and could see all the good.
i am going to miss you, the teasing, the motivation, & the comfort, & i will continue to be your friend & family throughout this life regardless of the distance. you have shown me the importance of showing up, as you have always shown up for me-because showing up for each other matters at every age. you have done more for this next chapter i will have at west point more than you could possibly imagine, & i will carry that gratitude with me. thank you for being exactly who you are and for offering me a friendship i've wanted & needed my whole life.
"you are one of the greatest people i have ever met." -letter from ft. len, mo june 2022
with all my love,
♡steff
ps: ethan is the reason i created "with all my love, steff"!!
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