theres a sickly obsession I have with taking pictures. A way to freeze a memory, in the hopes of cherishing it for the rest of your life. There will always be a loyal piece of my heart that will want to stay in those moments. Stay in those moments with those people, those experiences, those narratives I drew up of the world around me. But one day, many years from now, someone who has my eyes and my husbands smile and personality will look at me and ask to see pictures of me from when I was young.
when this moment comes, i'll dig into my belongings and pull out the numerous amounts of photo albums that I have been accumulating since I was in middle school. Hundreds of photos will decorate the pages of these albums, showing every style of clothing I used to wear, every way I used to apply my make up, every best friend, every boyfriend, every place I’ve lived and been too, and pieces of my life that words cannot do justice.
I will hope that they ask me about the people in these pages. I will hope that when they point at the faces I once used to see everyday, I can tell them more about their life than just about the one I knew in that picture; the hope that the relationships made did indeed last a lifetime, the way they have been promised. I will have the ability to show my kids the faces that raised me. The eyes of those who watched me grow up, make mistakes, have the best day of my life, achieve my life time goals, and fall down time and time again; the mosaic of my life will have faces to go with it. We will sit down, and ill be able to tell countless of stories that will eventually start sounding like I had done those things the day before because of how vivid the memories will flow back into my brain. I will be able to reminisce on all the plans I had once made and the plans that didn’t get followed through on. They will be able to see all the moments of my life that had brought me to them, that brought me to the life I will be living.
I will be in denial about all the time that has passed. I’ll be in denial of all the years that felt like they flew by right before my eyes. I’ll look at the faces and smiles in the pictures and know I have lived a life worth talking about…a past that I am able to think fondly of. I am currently awaiting a day that is more than a decade away, maybe even two. But until then, I will continue to take pictures for the future of “hey mom! what were you like when you were younger?” I will continue to shove my camera in the faces of my friends that hate getting their picture taken and continue to take an obnoxious amount of pictures with those who live for the camera.
Take more pictures. Take enough pictures to make a stranger feel like they have lived their life with you, right by your side. Take pictures of the people around you. Those who make waking up in the morning worth the inconvenience and those who feel like a big hug on a terrible day. Take pictures of the views that won’t look as good as it does through your eyes. Take pictures of yourself living the life you will one day be proud to talk about.
with all my love,
♡steff
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