as much as it’s embarrassing to admit, i am guilty of going to the top of my instagram search bar and typing in the names of my ex boyfriends/situationships to check up on them in the late hours of the night. i check to see what they’re up to, no real malice intentions, just curious on how their lives turned out post-breakup. i try to find out as much as i can, trying to figure out if they’re happy, how much they’ve grown up, or if they’re still levitating through life. i wonder if they ever do the same, if curiosity strikes them at a certain time of night...if i cross their mind right before they’re about to fall asleep. i scroll through my own social media platforms, overanalyzing my own content; i wonder if they think i’m happier now that they’re gone, if i’m prettier or more successful than i once used to be when they were around--i wonder if they see me now & wish we were still together.
social media makes it hard to let go, makes it hard to cross that final bridge of detachment. it’s easy to search up names, easy to still feel connected to someone you once loved. one of my exes is married, another has a new girlfriend who my friends say look a little like me, another ex doesn’t post much, another is about to graduate college…it’s nice to see how far along we’ve all moved on since we last parted. i’m always way too curious, i’ve never been one that moves on easily. but one day, i’ll stop typing in their name on every social media app. i’ll stop trying to find out everything there is to know about them now, because it’s truly none of my business anymore. i genuinely will stop caring to know who they are, if they became the person they always wanted to become, if they did the things they told me they were going to do, & then life will go back to the way it was before i once knew them.
it’s okay to still wonder; it’s human to still think about the person you once used to tell everything to. but one day, you’ll have to close that book—-hell, you HAVE to close that book one day. it doesn’t matter who they’re dating now, if they cut their hair, what new job they got, what city they moved to, and who they’re new friends are. none of this matters because you are no longer together…it’s better this way, i promise. it’s hard to believe that one day the urges will stop.
one day, when you go to type in a new person’s name into the search bar at the top of the page, your ex's name will no longer be in the search history. in that moment, say a silent prayer, wish upon them peace and longevity, thank god for the moments you had with them, and go about your day. life goes on, it might not be the same, but life does go on; sometimes giving them space is gifting yourself the world.
let them chase their dream & do yourself the favor by having nothing to do with it.
with all my love,
♡steff
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