i’m often asked “what have you learned most about west point?” & as sad as it sounds, i’ve learned how lonely people truly get. i’ve never really seen the type of loneliness west point embarks on peoples lives & i’ve never experienced it either. west point is extremely isolating at times & that’s what i think people who don’t go there tend to forget/don’t realize. we’re there & can go weeks at a time without stepping foot off post, surrounded with the same people you met on a random summer day for basic training, never ending school work, & a packed schedule that makes you believe that there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete everything you have to do.
as much as i’ve learned, academically & physically, i will always have my heart set on the 18 year olds i see everyday. i sit back & watch them make the best of their situation when they sit & giggle in each others rooms, spend hours chit chatting in the dfac, & make future plans with each other; it’s comforting to know that they’re starting to learn how to make any place their home. they remind me how subtle life is sometimes, it’s so subtle that i barely notice how we all walked through the doors we once prayed would open, & we get to walk through that door together.
but, i know, when the barracks doors close at 2145 & everyone gets their first couple moments of alone time of the day, the thought of home, & the people that feel like it, creep into their mind—i know this because it happens to me every night. for the few minutes after the door closes, you realize how calculated your life is, how mundane the weather feels, & that in you missing home means you are also missing out on the world because you are here, at west point, ny. the thoughts fade away, because the lord knows you can’t spend too much time spiraling because there are papers to write, math problems to solve for the next day, & sleep to get, in order to wake up for the next days morning formation.
there are mental battles my peers have every single day—& i won’t know anything about it. i won’t ever know how much their hurting from the growing pains of becoming an adult, the societal pressures of succeeding at one of the best schools in america, & the self-hate that is attached to staying competitive at all times; i will never get to truly know what happens in their minds, but i hope they learn to make their mind a nice place to live. i hope they stick to each other closer as the days continue, i hope they find enjoyment in the gloom that blankets over the school, & they become more grateful for the path less traveled.
sometimes i’m like “what is the point of all of this??” & then i hangout with my classmates who became more than just that in a short period of time, & for a brief moment, i see the point & i let that stay with me in the moments after the door closes. if you feel lonely, take from this list what you need:
1) i think you should tell people how important they are to you, not because they could leave at any moment, but because they’re here with you now & choose to stay
2) remind yourself to live in the suck of the calculations & of the routine because one day, after west point is over & it becomes just a school you once went to, you’ll be so excited to wake up in the morning, it’ll be hard to fall asleep
3) get used to looking at yourself with kindness because this life was not meant to be a punishment. make yourself smile & become a great friend to yourself
4) in your loneliest times, remind yourself that there is a tree somewhere out there in the world that sprouted the same day you were born, & it’s been growing alongside you everyday. don’t let that tree grow up by itself
loneliness is a cruel feeling & i wish you never felt that way. i wish the world was kinder to you, that your past was easier, that your favorite people were able to be around you, & that, wherever you are in the world, you make that place your home.
with all my love,
♡steff
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