there is something so intriguing about tinder & i honestly am so glad i live in a day in age where tinder exists. i’ve never truly intended on using tinder for its initial design, but, instead, use it as a game or strange pass-time. my friends & i giggle as we use MY tinder to endlessly swipe on because i'm blessed with the inability to get embarrassed by those i know in the real world that might possible stumble across my account; it’s really hard to shame me on having tinder because at 18 my tinder account got sent in a group chat of my peers a week into knowing them…very embarrassing first impression. girlhood is gathering around an ipad with tinder open & messaging strangers we will never meet & swiping right on those we’d never go for in the wild.
there are some tinder encounters that i think about often & make me realize that this generation is full of pleasant surprises. the one that often comes to mind is a boy who helped me realize i was finally a grown up & moved on from all the insecurities & infractions of high school. he came over to my apartment two and a half years ago, & we spent eight hours talking and laughing throughout the night. we were laughing so hard & so loud that we ended up waking up my roommate a few times (sorry jimmy). i’d never really used tinder before that, & i had skepticism about it, but i was shockingly surprised to know that one of the best connections i’ve ever made with someone started because we both found each other physically attractive on an app. more of those experiences followed as i grew up & tinder followed me throughout every stage of my life—tinder always felt like some weird guilty-pleasure friend that always had my back through the highs & lows; tinder was always there to make me laugh at the ridiculousness of the world.
tonight, i lay on my bed scrolling on my phone as i match with a 22 year old man from vermont (we’ll call him arugula). arugula is a handsome young man, strong build, & gorgeous eyes, but the real kicker is that this man can banter with the best of them (& luckily for him, i am the best of them). it’s currently 1:46am, & i truly have no business chit chatting with this man who has a very similar schedule as i do, but we’ve been going back & forth like a wicked game of tennis for the past two hours. i can appreciate a clever & witty yapper, what can i say.
while i should’ve gone to bed three hours ago & i should’ve probably spent time doing my homework instead of swiping around, im weirdly glad this is where this thursday night took me. arugula & i have gone head-to-head over so many different topics in the past two hours, making up fake places & fake situations that contribute to our banter of choice for the night & it is so incredibly refreshing to talk to anyone about anything other than west point. we’ve talked about hockey (which i know nothing about), the state of vermont, the script, country music, the city of tampa, & the university of florida (disgusting, seminole gods forgive me). it is so humanizing to banter about things we are passionate about that has nothing to do with our chosen career field.
yea, there are probably better things i could be doing with my time that will serve me better in the morning to come, but for now, i feel like a girl who isn’t tied up in the restraints of “best & brightest” academy. it’s charming to finally talk about the things that make steff “steff”, which has nothing to do with anything revolving around the army or west point, & it reminds me of all the things i bring to the table that don’t have to emulate being a perfect cadet, student, or athlete, because the best things about me aren’t always camouflaged or dress right dress.
just like everything else that is laced with the imminence of tinder, i will probably never talk to arugula again come the break of dawn, but it did feel nice to finally be seen for who i am outside of a baggy & unflattering camo uniform that imitates children pajamas. it took up until now to realize that i wasn’t holding on to florida state because of the seminole spirit or the location itself (even though they do play a huge role in it), i miss florida state or life outside of west point because i miss being able to switch in between soldier & steff…& i miss steff A LOT. i hope in the moments you feel unseen & superficial, you come across a random stranger that reminds you about all your favorite parts about yourself.
while i'm not too sure what my love life will turn into or if i even have a love life (looking at it from a third persons point of view, it's not looking like it exists), i'm optimistic for all the opportunity & "almost-maybe"s to come. life is way too short to not sit on your phone with your friends & scroll on tinder...& who knows, maybe you'll find the love of your life.
it also never hurts to flirt with a cute boy.
with all my love,
♡steff
written 11 april 2024
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