to my classmates who never got to decorate their dorms how they wanted, didn’t get to have one too many drinks during sylli week, & didn’t get to rush the sorority/fraternity they’ve heard all about, don’t feel like you’re missing out because you have different priorities than everyone else. i see a lot of y’all sit there, scrolling through your phones-living vicariously through your old friends. i see y’all facetime the same friends, showing each other your rooms, but instead of showing them the room of your dreams, you show them your perfectly measured bed you probably haven’t slept in for weeks & the properly folded clothes in your five drawer dresser that upholds the standards you are set to follow.
18 year old me feels for y’all. i see y’all get homesick, create new lives for yourself, & balance the pressure of being the perfect soldier, student, friend, & athlete. at your age, i went out to clubs & bars i wasn’t meant to be at; i spent money i didn't have; i didn’t go to class for weeks at a time; i pushed off doing homework in the name of a good time & glorified all the wrong doings i did with being young; dated the wrong men over & over again. but you? you are HERE, at one of the best schools in america! you are everything i didn’t have the courage to be at 18. when i say that i made poor decisions at 18, believe me when i say it. maybe one day, we will find ourselves in deep conversation and i'll tell you about the bars i got kicked out of, the heart breaks i found myself in, the people i hurt, & the people who hurt me; for any scenario you've been through so far, that embarrasses you to your core, come find me and i'll tell you a story that will make you feel better & will help you understand that everyone does stupid things at 18. one day i hope to tell you about a version of myself that i hope you never become; she is still the version of myself that i learned the most from, we can laugh at her, and all the decisions that led me here to you.
people will stop recognizing you for who you once were; you will not be the same person you were last year or the year before, you’re better now. suddenly, on a random july afternoon, your childhood ended & you were suppose to know how to live…know that i understand that feeling. you probably used to dream about finally being grown, and once you became that, you realized that it’s not as romantic as you made it out to be because you have to be back in the barracks every saturday at 2200 & you wear government issued clothing more than the clothes that feel like home to you.
but, from me to you, it’s time to grow up now; you’re not a little kid anymore, you gotta do what you gotta do now. you have to be your own support system, your own parent, your own protector, & your own champion. you’ll learn how to drink the coolaid, how to hurry up & wait, & how to shut up & color because uncle sam told you so. everything is going to go by fast, & after all of this is over, you’ll start to forget even faster. you chose the harder right than the easier wrong & i hope you give yourself the recognition you deserve for that. at 18, i didn't want to challenge myself with something to this caliber-it took me two and a half years later to realize this is where i was meant to be at. You are blessed enough to be with the same people for the next five years, make good friends & be glad they live a few steps away (I wish I was lucky enough to still have my friends from FSU with me).
let curiosity consume you in the place you go to school, West Point is incredibly interesting & you can learn something new everyday about it. Be grateful for the faculty & staff that you get the privilege to learn from, go to AI & slip in a question about their personal lives (they have a lifetime of memories to share & a lifetime of lessons to tell you about). The growing pains of being here will subside, the way yours did as your bones grew to you pre-determined height. The growing pains will hurt and somedays it might feel like they will never go away, in those moments, remind yourself that they will and you will eventually be big & strong, & you won’t recognize the person in the mirror anymore...it's for the better. i am overwhelmingly blessed that i get to watch all of y'all find yourself for the next five years. i will always be your friend, fan, and older sister whenever you need it. you will be better than me one day, & i hope you become the person you wish you hoped to become.
with all my love,
♡steff
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